The Magazine
I said a few weeks back that if I could share one thing about conscious tech use, it was that it's about digital boundaries.
That’s true, AND, it’s also about presence.
One of the biggest things I see in the world around me, and within me right now is that we are disconnected from our presence. Both with ourselves and with other folks and beings.
There are of course many reasons for this, stress, lack of skill, dysregulation, separateness, busy-ness, the list goes on. That list also includes our phone.
Imagine it’s 1988. (I picked this at random). You and a friend are having coffee at the cutest little coffee shop in the neighborhood, a place you love and feel comfortable. You’re excited to see your friend who you adore and have a great relationship with. Your lives are both busy, and this is a rare treat to get together.
Picture it, smell it, breathe into being there. You can smell the coffee and sweet pastries, the lively plants perfectly allocated to give the place a vibe that keeps you coming back. The subtle black and white tones give it almost an old world feel. You could sit in this one seat for hours. It's so comfortable. You’ve snagged the perfect table.
You and your friend start catching up and before long you’re in a deep conversation that feels expansive. Then right at that moment, she picks up a magazine, opens it, and brings it to her face, completely blocking your view of her. She did this while you were talking. You stop stunned, looking at the back of the open magazine. You cannot believe what you are experiencing.
We’ll pause this imaginative exploration here for a minute.
How do you feel reading this? Can you feel yourself in this situation (even if you weren’t alive in 1988)? What would you do in this situation?
Pause.
Contemplate.
Feel into it.
Put yourself in the shoes of both parties in this story.
What just happened?
Not only might we think this is rude, and that our friend doesn’t care what we are saying, but we might also feel a sharpness, like a connection was just severed. A connection you thought you were both engaged in. The simple act of lifting the magazine, completely shut off presence. Even though you are sitting right in front of them, you are no longer connected in the same way you were just five seconds ago.
This story is how I often think about how we are all going around with our phones. In the middle of conversations, while talking to someone checking us out at a register, while driving, while playing with our kids, we are severing a moment of connection by lifting our phones between us.
Why?
Part of the inquiry of conscious tech use in our lives is to ask questions like these.
Why am I doing what I do?
Now if this example seems harsh, take it back a step and create your own example that is resonant to you and your life.
This is happening in big and small ways across our daily lives. Where we were once connected, we are becoming disconnected from our presence in the service of being “connected” to a person or thing not in front of us via a technological portal to a different dimension.
I word it like that on purpose. The phones (and a lot of types of tech), connect us to different dimensions. I know it might feel weird to hear it like that, but consider it for a moment. See how it lands with you.
When you are on your phone plugged into something that is not right in front of you in the flesh, you have entered a different dimension. Now everyone will have a different view on what that dimension actually is, but I’m just going to leave it there. Technology and the portals they connect us to are different dimensions.
I also say it like this because it shows us that we are no longer present where we are. We have almost in a weird way, teleported out of the current present moment through our phone.
So I ask again, why?
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever done this in a conversation? Sure you have, we ALL have. We’re new to this technology and we’re still trying to figure it out.
This is why I think digital boundaries and presence are connected. Having digital boundaries and values, allows us to be connected, and be in presence, instead of moving to a different dimension.
Now sure, sometimes you need step out of the moment. I get it. But I ask you to consider this example, and how it feels to you to be in that situation. Further, I ask how it feels in your own body to either create this disconnection or to receive it. There’s no right answer, only the inquiry that sheds light on your own true experience.
When we are constantly in other dimensions, it makes it hard to take on inquiries like this, that tell us what is truly going on in our lives in the day to day interactions.
The invitation this week is to notice how many times you are in this situation. How many times does a magazine get raised in your face, or do you raise a magazine? (aka phone)
We inquire from a place of non-judgement and recognition of our humanity. From humility in our journey as travelers on this growth journey of life. We are all students here. And of course, compassion for being human and learning as we go.
Does this example resonate with you? How’s your presence with others and with yourself?
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